dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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