I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
