i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
