How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
