how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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