He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
