I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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