Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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