I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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