i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize