I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
