i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
