Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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