I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize