Please, let me fuck your mom
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
