i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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