dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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