when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
