You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
