I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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