You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
