Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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