you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
