I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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