am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize