I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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