my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
