i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
