Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
