Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
