Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
