One girl and one boy is just not enough.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
