I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
