Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
