I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
