I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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