just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
