I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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