I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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