how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
