Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
