Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize