I wish I could punch you in the face.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
