I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
