This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pants are for mortals
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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