Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
