I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
