i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
