I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
