Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
