I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What drink are we having for lunch?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize