Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Blood and glitter go together right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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