my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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