you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
