I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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