we have pet lesbian snakes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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