Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just forgot I was standing up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
