All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
