one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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