The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize