I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
