take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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