This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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