at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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