I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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