the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
