Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
