This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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