cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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