I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
