he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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