U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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