theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
